A Spicy Evening for Two

Imagine Dr. Jones' surprise (and delight) when he discovered that the person that had won his auction lot of an evening meal cooked by his own fair hands was the cheeky Irish imp from the novice sqaud: Dee. This meeting of two great minds took place on Sunday night and here is Charly's report of the encounter:

"As an avid and out-of-control Scrabble nerd, the first thing to notice is the marvellous combination of letters, which form the words ‘Dee and Charlie’. There are many highly appropriate anagrams, which I will sprinkle amongst this report.

I had to decide on something to cook for the occasion. I thought something colourful, something to share and, not knowing the magnitude of Dee’s appetite, something you can have as much of or as little as you want. So I thought Mexican…I was going to make DEER ENCHILADA but then I remembered I’m vegetarian. As Dee’s arrival was imminent, I wanted to make a good first impression, so I hoovered around, so that we would have a CLEAN, DEHAIRED carpet, which is always important I find. She arrived and we listened to Marcus’s Buena Vista Social Club record, which suited me very well being a HACIENDA ELDER. We laughed about the swarming gossip in the club that had surrounded the evening’s event. Then we talked about how well the novice ladies had rowed on Saturday. It seemed that their epic RACE HEADLINED the bill at Evesham.

I had thought about how to make it a warm atmosphere without coming across as being disturbingly romantic. I looked in my ‘subdued lighting’ collection and was momentarily tempted when I saw this CANDLE HAD ‘EIRE’ written on it, but by that stage I was at my wick’s end, so I just turned on the lights and hoped Dee was partially sighted. My tortillas failed spectacularly. I overcooked them somewhat and they turned into poppadoms! Dee said she was an accountant, so I had a fleeting thought to ditch the whole Mexican thing and cook the books instead. However, she reassured me that the poppadoms were cracking, so I carried on and grated some very special cheese, which I think was called ELAINE CHEDDAR. I thought that Dee has a lovely accent and I asked her if she misses home… In her broadest accent yet, she whispered wistfully “Oi rarely get DE IRELAND ACHE”.

Regrettably, as the evening continued, I took the opportunity to tell a few gags. Dee listened patiently, but then REACHED DENIAL, and so I decided to tell her about my age-old fantasies about deciduous trees. “Once I NEEDED A LARCH” I told her remorsefully. By this stage I was finally getting warmed up but Dee had lost the will to live so we called it quits and brought proceedings to an end.

A thoroughly delightful evening…"