Just A Little Chilly

I popped down to the boathouse at lunchtime today...

All I can say is, make sure you wear plenty of layers!

Brrr...

Does My Bum Look Big In This?

True to form, none of my scientific mates have given up their quest to answer some of those burning questions, and remain hard at it over the Christmas period.

In an effort to finally determine what lycra does for you, my friends at Herriot Watt University have spent their time photographing bums.

I am looking forward to the practical element of the research!

Splash proof?

There was some talk over the festive period about a flying visit by former CBRC member Alex Cawthorne (AKA Alice).

Word has it that conditions in the pub were particularly testing, so much so that he had to wear a gillet (with Leander emblazoned on it - obviously!). If past performance is anything to go by, he wore it to ensure his usual amount of spillage didn't soak into his jeans!

Good to see you Alice!

SALE NOW ON!

Now is your chance to get online and secure next season's dodgy coloured kit. The sales are well and truly on:

Godfrey Sale

JL Racing Sale

Powerhouse Special Offers

Rock The Boat Clearance Zone

Raymond Sims

Happy Shopping!

Gurt the Guinea Pig

Honestly, all these years of practice and the only bit of research that I get involved in says there's no cure...

Well I don't believe them!

The experts reckon there's no evidence of a cure for hangovers. In my experience any of the following might work:

- a bit of slap and tickle with Gurtrude
- a cheeky half of Thatchers
- a double bacon roll at Brunel's Buttery
- a quick dip in the Docks

Happy experimenting!

Happy Christmas To The Birds!

Not to be outdone, here's a photo of me in my younger years...

Happy Christmas My Darling Birds - prepare yourself for "mistletoe Moment" when I catch up with you in 2006!

Big Luvvin
Gurt
xxxxxxx

Happy Christmas To The Boys!

Boys,

I wish you all a very happy christmas, and many wins in 2006.

Don't eat all the pies!

Love

Gurtrude

x

Stuck for Xmas Present Ideas?

Just when you think you are completely lost for ideas, I have launched my "Lush Present Search Service".

Only yesterday I was asked by your friend and mine, James Young, to help find something for his beloved Jihan.

Presents like these are hard to find!

Lush FM

For those of you that are stateside over the festive period, please take the opportunity to tune into my new speciality radio show on LushFM.

We will be playing all the finest tunes from the West Country, combined with a little bit of informal chat about my hobbies - cider (Sexy), birds (Sensual) and rowing (Smooth).

Don't touch that dial (or my pint)!

Tell Me Something I Don't Know!

My friends at Rutgers University, USA have confirmed that I am clearly the best catch in town... something you all knew already!

They have determined that the better your dancefloor moves, the more attractive you appear.

Ladies... prepare yourself for The Lush!


http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4550000.stm

Watch out for the birds...

Nevermind pushing off, you want to watch out on Saturday nights...

http://www.ara-rowing.org/news/051027_birdflu.php

Crush Calculator Speaks...

Well, I have had an unprecedented response to the Crush Calculator! All those little secrets are sitting neatly in my hotmail inbox - but as gesture of goodwill my finger has just hit the delete key!

Never fear though - I wouldn't do it without imparting a few of the treasures:

First Reply - Red Squirrel
Crush 1: Stuart Castle

Most Spoof Responses - Steve Bathurst
Crush 1: Rhiannon
Crush 2: George
Crush 3: My Left Hand

Best Genuine Response 1 - Sarah H
Crush 1: Neil Bromwich
Crush 2: Marcus Mumford
Crush 3: Steve Bathurst

Best Genuine Response 2 - Jo Ross
Crush 1: Scott Dunbar

The No Surprises Response - Crusher
Crush 1: The Concept II Model C

Best Fantasy Response 1 - Jane Green
Crush 1: Pete Vallance
Crush 2: Brian Stevens
Crush 3: Phil Barton

Best Fantasy Response 2 - Rhiannon Turner
Crush 1: George

And in a demonstration of her undying love, Rachel Wright put Morgan's name in 3 times!

Aaah...

Head of the Avon Gorge

It's that time of year again...

Time to work off all those mince pies, and pints of mulled wine.

Come and have a go at one of the most picturesque races you'll ever do (and one of the longest!)

The good old days....

The internet's not only good for finding pages such as crush-o-meters, and other useless rowing info, but also pictures from the days gone by of some of our members....

The latest one I have stumbled across is our very own Mr Crofts. Not only does this picture show him with a full head of flowing hair, but also a nice little number from the height of 70's fashion. I am told that no one was allowed near him when smoking due to the fire risk of the 100% man made fibres used...

Crush-o-meter

This is great!

I have put Gurtrude's name in here, and it has told me that we are 85% compatible. I reckon after a couple of ciders we are 100% compatible.

Give it a go!

www.crushcalculator.com

Seat racing? No thanks, I'll try sofa racing

I had overheard that the inclement weather paid havoc with the availability for seat racing on Sunday morning??

The numbers of those available to take part took a bit of a dive initially. But normal service was resumed when it was announced that seat racing was cancelled!!

Then everyone was available.

You gotta love that - it was minging out there!

(Don't shoot me - it was only what I was told!)

Head Racing Results

Again, I have been lazy!

Too much time spent smooching with Gurtrude during this festive period has left me horribly off the pace as far as racing goes.

So for Wycliffe the following crews should be bathed is ass's milk, and then rubbed down with coconut butter for their sterling efforts:

Big shiny first place medals for Sen 2 4+ and the Sen 2 1x

A slightly less shiny second place medal (?) for W sen 4 4+

The picture isn't quite so clear for Exeter (much like the day), but again the following should be pampered within an inch of their lives:

Big shiny first place pots for Sen C 2X, Sen C 4x, Sen A 4-

Bravo!

The best bouncy castle

Sorry about my lack of clarity over the last couple of days - I have been abroad buying something within which to house my favourite hobby.

I am just trying to find somewhere to house it on the docks:

http://www.airquee.co.uk/pub/

Spy Shot

So here we are deep in the undergrowth to observe the Red Squirrel in its natural habitat. Note the bar environment, the presence of alcohol, and fellow CBRC members in close proximity.

Never before have we seen the presence of the fake gold boobs in the wild.

Intriguing...

Nice Knockers

Well OK, I didn't exactly lose all of the photos - but I think this is in the public interest.

Maybe it is time to start a caption competition?

Disco Dancing

I have been furnished with a whole series of photos charting the progress of Monday night.

Depicted below is a man and woman starting out on a voyage of discovery...

As they swung themselves round the pole, so fewer clothes were involved, and some plastic toys introduced!


I think I'll "lose" the rest of the photos... Well maybe just the ones of Baggy!

spotted!

At last he has come out...

All these years as a covert tweed wearer, Mr Beever finally overcame his fears and joined us all on Monday in his natty little 3-piece number!

Here he is today modelling his CBRC winter collection, ahead of Sunday's racing.

Late night rendez-vous

I have heard a rumour that after everyone had gone home on Monday night, there was a knock at the door at Chez Bromwich.

Now any normal single bloke would think "who on earth wants me at this time of the morning?"

Little did he know that his toned body and cutting wit had attracted one of CBRC's finest fillies.

He is mute about her identity, but informers talk of him "popping off to get comfortable" in the bathroom, in preparation for a long night. Imagine his disappointment when he returned to the lounge to find nothing but the front door swinging in the breeze...

I sent Gurtrude round to counsel him earlier - he really is very upset - and she found a couple of what I can only think are calling cards.


I'm keeping my eyes peeled for her identity.... its a mystery?

Get 'em off

So Mr Bromwich was having a little tidy-up at his Palace yesterday morning, and in the bathroom he comes across Cinderella's Slipper.

Well, when I say Cinderella's Slipper, what I meant to say was A Fine Young Lady's Tights!

Stunned into silence, Neil has phoned Gurt Confidential HelpLine (0800 tellmeyourgossip) to try and find the owner.

So, the hunt has started...

If that was you, don't think you can run, don't think you can hide, Gurt is on your tail!

I will find out what you were up to in there, and with whom!

Nice Turrets!

I hear that the recently featured "Red Squirrel" has acquired a strong interest in the architecture of the middle ages.

Her new hobby showed itself on Monday night with close up inspection of a Castle, down a dark alley in Clifton...

Word is she paid particular attention to his portcullis!

Full Bore Rant

All I can say is, if you ever think about giving it up - make sure you've got something else to put your energies into or you'll get earache...

http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/this_britain/article331071.ece

Mr Gay UK Mincing Marathon 2005

I have recently recieved pictures of this quietly publicised event, that took place along the beachfront at Brighton last weekend.
The winning prize was a weekend for two in Kavos, with free white muscle vests, leather trousers and peaked caps.

Anyone recognise the winner?

Art Graduate of the Year 2001

I bumped into a disorientated american last night, who was wondering round the dockside claiming he had come looking for a cup of tea?

I was obviously concerned for his welfare and took him into the Nova Scotia to feed him cider until the colour returned to his cheeks. He claimed to be searching for a former member of Lewis & Clark College, and produced a scrap of paper which he clutched like a treasure map.

It said:
Morgan Specht
Class of 2001 - Art
I am living and working as a Youth Worker with disaffected inner city youth in Bristol, UK for 18 months. I am living with my English girl friend which I met on my Overseas trip to Italy in 2000. I have continued rowing, in the country where it was born and even prequalified to row at Henley Royal Regatta this year! If you come to England, please drop by for some tea.

Brilliant.

Earl Grey, or perhaps some English Breakfast Tea?

She's very clever... really!

I was browsing through my copy of Il Nuovo Cimento last night, in order to try an keep abreast of all things scientific, when I was very pleased to read of one of our own...

Miss Lancaster has spent ages researching something called the "SZ" effect, and very impressive it is too. Unfortunately I found it to a be a little closer to the "Zzzzzz" theory.

Judge for yourself.

Don't you ever learn?

When I was out walking the dog on Saturday morning, I spotted our resident ex-pat paddling down the docks in his scull, behind a Womens 8.

Now Morgan likes to make a point on a quiet day, but Saturday was the ultimate challenge... Could one man take on eight women and win?

The guantlet was down. The rate crept up in the scull, as did the work. He pulled out of the puddles and accelerated past the eight - only not quite as quickly as he had thought.

As Morgan lined up to take the 4 girl he had got so caught up in his personal battle that he entirely failed to spot the mens coxless four coming in the other direction... on the same side of the river.

All I can say is that it was a good job the launch was handy to pick him out of the drink!

Top swimming.

"For Sale" - One bent fin and rudder combo

A big congratulations to our newest steersman in the mens squad... Not for hitting a part of the docks wall, or a bridge, but for managing to whack his boat on a "For Sale" sign.

Said sign was floating in one of the tunnels, and neatly clipped Brownsword II on Saturday morning just after Marcus spotted it.

Luckily Janousek have come to the rescue!

Deep in the undergrowth

Instead of joining you all for a few beers last Saturday, I took Gurtrude deep into the Forest of Dean for a bit of wildlife spotting.

We had gone specifically to seek out the ginger one of the natural world - the endangered red squirrel.

Now I am no expert, but everything I read tells me that the red squirrel is being killed off by the grey squirrel. Apparently the grey is more aggressive, and more dominant, making the red a little more susceptable to its cunning ways.

Imagine my surprise then, when we peered into what looked like nature's version of a dancefloor to find the red and the grey joined at the mouth?!

Gurtrude enquired of the local forestkeeper, John LaRocca, and he told her that it is the first time he thinks this has happened...

Who knows?

As if you needed telling...

Once again my scientist mates have come up with the goods, and proven something that I thought was already blindingly obvious!

With tomorrow's fun and frolics on the horizon, here's some justification for your mistakes!

DANGEROUS: Prisoner on the run

We have recently been furnished with the prisoner photos for the 1999 intake into HMP Cambridge. Please pay close attention to the former attendee of Christ School, Brecon who we understand to be on the run in the Bristol area.

In a curious turn of events he doesn't appear to be diguising his previous incarceration and can still be seen wearing his Prisoner Uniform (identified by the words Cambridge and Aberdeen) at every available opportunity.

Investigators on his tail think he is highly unlikely to be seen wearing a Bristol uniform, but there is a slim chance he could follow this route to go "underground".

If you see him please contact BoatStoppers on 08000 DARKBLUKIT

Schoolboys in 24hr drinking shocker!

What a coincidence...

I spotted Crusher and Pete V doing a little homework for their upcoming Instructors Award exams last night. Where better to do it than in the pub?

They were in there for hours, and I can only conclude that they were there killing time until midnight so that they could embark on some 24hr drinking!

I'm going back at lunchtime - fully expecting them to still be "up to their eyes in books"!

Gbay.com

As you know, I am always looking to push the boundaries of technology, and I think I have come up with a great idea.

Today is the official launch of Gbay.com, a new interactive auction site!

Available only to you - oarsmen and oarswomen of CBRC, this new service will allow you to buy sporting goods and memorabilia to help your club fund the next round of boat purchasing.

Here at Gbay.com HQ we have built up a fine collection of rowing associated goods which will be appearing during the next few days. Auctions will then run on-line until the Christmas Dinner (5th December).

I bet you can't wait to cash in on those early Christmas presents...

Watch this space.

Saturday Night Antics

Apparently we needed an excuse... so to celebrate:

The end of Fours Heads training (did we start? - ed)
The end of Learn2Row
The end of BIRC training (now that's stretching it! - ed)

We are all going to get stuck into some very dry sherry at The Park Bar, The Triangle, Clifton this Saturday (26th Nov).

Drinks will be served from 8pm, with a large amount of hip-shaking action to follow.

DJ Gurt will be gracing the decks, and MC Foghorn will be taking up otherwise useful dancefloor space.

Christmas present?

Reference Gurtrude's previous discussions regarding "what a rowing woman wears under her all-in-one", it would appear that Godfrey have come up with a competition solution:

http://www.godfrey.co.uk/productviewer.php?selproduct=285

More dietary advice

Full up with Lucozade Sport? Fed up with flapjacks? Bored of bananas? Then try Sport Beans.

No doubt they will prove to be a delicious alternative!

Hair today - covered up tomorrow

I was shocked to read of the lack of tolerance our fellow city dwellers show towards their elite athletes.

Imagine if our committee enforced such stringent rules for the covering of body hair, and no sweat on the equipment.

Come to think of it, is this not already in place for parts of the mens squad?

BIRC 2005 - Headlines

Congrats to those who attending the BIRC yesterday in Birmingham.

Rona Smith performed very well in the Womens Open Lwt event, pulling 7m16.8 and finishing 5th in class.

The top award however, goes to one of our new "elite scullers". Tony Larkham delivered 5m59.5 in Mens Hwt 35-39 event, and won himself a GOLD medal.

Not often you see CBRC at the top of the table!

Ladies, get your purses out!

Some of you may recall the variety of "cooing" noises that emanated from the erg room at Leander during training camp earlier this year?

It was indeed the moment that the CBRC womens squad discovered James Cracknell warming up!

Now's your chance to get even closer girls... And not only that, you can show him some (if not all) of your skills!

Row with James Cracknell for Char-i-dee

Crash weight gain?

Now the winter is properly here, and the body requires some additional fuel to run its central heating, I hear that one or two of the men are looking to "bulk up".

There has been talk of eating more pasta, more beer, or maybe some more cake. However, I am a bit of an expert in this area and can strongly recommend two courses of action:

maximuscle.com


British Lard Marketing Board

Jimmy?, Marcus? don't over-do it boys!

Come in 542, and 548!

Oh dear.

Guess who didn't hand their numbers back at Four's Head?

I have had a little note from those lovely people in London, informing us that if the numbers aren't back in the next 7 days then the crews will have to cough up £30.

Dont tell me, you have absolutely no idea where they are!

Une petit tete a tete

I hear that a couple of members of our esteemed establishment may have met for a little dinner during last week.

The details remain sketchy, but I am informed that a teacher from Clifton College loved to listen to his cox's voice so much that he went "extra curricular"...

...my investigations continue.

Hmmm - naked...

Whilst cruising the dockside on Wednesday afternoon, I came across a photographer setting up his equipment. Nothing unusual about that, we live in a beautiful city etc etc...

Then I took a closer look.

Was that UWE's rowers I could see? Naked? By the water? Clutching all manner of boating paraphernalia?

Blimey!

Look out for the inevitable 2006 Calendar.

With the current temperatures there was no requirement for a wide-angle lens.

Lured by pasties...

Now that all ferries have to be tested by next spring, do you think we should get our friends on the docks to sponsor as social, and we'll come and stand on their boats?

Bristol Ariel Head - The medals were out!

A big hand for the first win of the winter. Despite having to lugg Pete down the course - Lucy, Toni, Emma D and Rach were all sporting some metalware by the end of the day.

They are now the holders of the Bristol Ariel Novice Pennant!

Puffing and Wheezing...

The old men managed to get themselves down the course at Vets Fours Head on Sunday in a very respectable time.

Our Vets Quad came home in a strong time of 21:44.65, which bagged them 20th place overall. They also managed 3rd in class (MVC4x) out of 9 punters.

Photos to follow.

The search continues...

You seek me here, you seek me there, you seek me in London RC?

I understand that the hunt was on in LRC on Saturday night to discover my true identity...

... and I hear that it was the crew of Windfall that were particularly vociferous in their pursuit. One or two members of the men's squad were seen leaving the boat house looking like they had seen a ghost (or maybe even pushed against a wall, jabbed in the chest a couple of times, and ranted at).

Let me tell you... You'll never find me, and my pursuit of the best rumours in town will continue!

Viva Gurt

Windfall found adrift

Reports are coming in that some of our boats were the victim of vandalism over the weeekend.

Windfall, was picked out of the Thames on Sunday morning by a friendly boatman from a club down stream. It was without riggers or rudder, but all else pretty much intact. The hull has taken a bit of a battering...

What's more, the Police Boat was also found on the ground in Dukes Meadow with a damaged hull.

It appears the boats had been removed from the trailer by vandals, sustaining damage to both.

A nasty end to a good weekend.

BetLush.com - Results

Well there you go!

Far be it for me to be a smug boy, but I quote from Friday:

Windfall
"BetLush.com says don't say I didn't tell you!"

Many congrats to the girls who delivered big on the course on Saturday. I hear that they partied hard in LRC by way of celebration.

The photos show a strong crew dynamic, good technique, and a real passion for the line.

I am off to the bookies to pick up my winnings!

The Results

So well done to you all for Saturday. Not sure if any of you saw Gurtrude and I? We were stood under the 2nd lamp post on Hammersmith bridge.

Here are the classified results:

Brownsword II 20:35.18 - 194th








Dionysus 20:51.14 - 229th








Waterwitch 22:44.01 - 407th








Windfall 23:36.48 - 457th








City of Bristol 23:39.37 - 462nd








Police Boat 23.50.75 - 470th








Looking forward to picking up my winnings from BetLush.com!

Fours Head 2005

The results are coming...

I am just awaiting the delivery of ALL of the photos.

You might have seen him...

You might have spotted one of our newest club members out on the water. Tony is one of two elite scullers to have recently joined us. He is, however, the only one with his own website.

BetLush.com - Starting Prices

As the race approaches, it is time for a round-up of the the crews, and of the starting prices.

Tommorow's high and lows will no doubt be played out on the water, but I understand that we are going to have a good day weather-wise. LushWeather has reported that tomorrow will be dry, and chilly with a fair breeze. With the amount of rain we have had recently the PLA is reporting a strong stream, with plenty of crap in it. (probably not as much as will be on it! - ed)

Looking at the prices, the most recent development has seen the favourites move out. Colds seem to have swept through the crew of Brownsword II, who are now claiming to be down on power and delivery. BetLush.com says a strong 6-1 probably flatters.

Sid Miller's developments have been well documented this week. As such, no one is rating what will be a scratch crew on the day. BetLush.com says they've probably got the fitness, but not a great way to start a race. Possibly worth an each-way flutter at 15-2, but save your money!

Waterwitch has continued to improve over the last couple of weeks. Previously documented slide issues (upper body weights!) have been conquered, and the steering is much improved. BetLush.com says they'll do very well if they dont tangle. A good punt at 13-2.

In the mid table is where the form gets spicey. City of Bristol have had their heads down for a few days and have been strengthening their chances. Previous training ground battles have seen the Police Boat steal a march, but those days might be over. The powerhouse in CoB is undisputed, but the talent spotters have been taking a long look at Police Boat. BetLush.com says we're tipping Police Boat to come out on top (8-1), unless CoB can make it look pretty as they come past the black buoy (17-2).

And finally Windfall. Ignore these girls at your peril. The masters of subtlety and understatement, this crew has been quietly getting on with the job. The rates have been creeping up, as has the power. BetLush.com says dont say I didn't warn you - a naive 12-1.

Battle of the Super Subs

With the early week news that Sid Miller is to employ a Super Sub on Saturday, I hear that Leander have now got on the case.

Sid's Super Sub is a man of exquisite talent, total commitment, extreme athleticism, with an almost unnatural talent to move a boat.

On the other hand, Leander's Super Sub hasn't really been on the money for the last few months, having been seen arseing around in all sorts of places since his last outing in Athens in 2004.

Bristol
(yes I know it's not him - but it's the best Google could come up with!)

Leander
(it really is Him!)

Talent aside, both have sacrificed everything to be there on Saturday. Well,
I say everything, I mean tickets for Engalnd v Australia at Twickenham!

Full story can be found here

Lookee Likee

It has come to my attention that one of the stalwart members of our club bears a close resemblance to his namesake.

I'm struggling to tell the difference...

Dr Jones

Dr Jones

What do you dream of?

I have it on good authority that the men's skipper might be losing it...

I overheard him in conversation last night, and I was so shocked I am not sure what to make of it.

He said that he is so concerned about his steering duties this weekend that he has started dreaming about black boys!

(Or perhaps he meant black buoys?)

BetLush.com - Word from the dockside

I have been keeping my ear to the ground to see how the crews are shaping up for the weekend...

It seems that Sid Miller has been the victim of the water gremlins in the last few days, with their odds moving out at a rate of knots!

Following a couple of difficult weeks in the boat, it appears that the coach was making some headway. Then things started to happen?

First, they broke their blades. Not one of them like normal people, but 3 of the blade handles had cracked. Not bad going, but not good either!

Then injury struck. Dom Hall had a recurrence of an old injury he has not had since he was a teenager.

Mild tendonitis in his wrist has ruled him out of the race. Consultation with an expert has confirmed the muscles have been stripped out through long term abuse (!? - ed). Rest now required.

A few phone calls later, and a super-sub was slotted into the boat to form the club's only scratch four for raceday. Subs were then acquired for the final week of training, when the wind picked the boat from the tressles and dumped it to the ground.

An order has now been placed for a new fin, new rudder, and some gel coat.

A robust 5-1 early price now moving to 12-1. What else can happen?

Dodgy Tachograph?

I had a call from Tollgate Hire this afternoon to apologise for the dodgy tachograph in the hire van at the weekend - I found this very confusing?

For those of you not "in the know", a tachograph records the movements of commercial vehicles including speed, distance travelled, time spent sitting still, whether it is towing etc.

Now the man at Tollgate said that either the recorder was playing up or that something very odd must have happened. According to the paper slip, at some point the van was recorded as being still on a relatively level surface, and attached to the trailer. After a short reversing motion the driver got out, the trailer was then removed, and the van travelled off...

It gets stranger.

It then says, having travelled some distance, the driver's door was opened, someone got in, and the van was brought to a swift halt.

How very confusing?

Perhaps Mr Beever could explain how the van might move on its own!

The things people do...

A big congratulations to our intrepid Doctor Jones on his safe return from the Snodonia Marathon. I understand that during the race (which Charlie completed in 4hr7min), there was approximately 3hr50mins of no jokes.

Clearly this is to be encouraged, and I have therefore entered him for the Sodbury Slog (a race I am a little more familiar with!).

In the meantime, please visit the good Doctor's website and read about his efforts. Then give him lots of money - he is only £100 short of his target.

Well done Charlie - room for a celebratory Foie Gras?

Enough to make your eyes water

Whilst talking to a great friend of mine in the pub recently, I understand that one of our members has been signed off-games for a few days.

Professor Massimo Rashetti of Turin University Hospital ("Massive Rash" to his mates), confirmed a case of severe chaffing has occurred through excessive erging by a member of the women's squad.

Obviously he observed client confidentiality, but did mention that Rona might be able to expand on the condition...

BetLush.com Latest Prices

The market is now alive with chat, as the crews ready themselves ahead of next week's race. The punters have voted with their feet, and their wallets. Here is the latest betting and form guide:

12.30 Barnes - Fours Head Chase 4m
------------------------------------------
Brownsword II 100-30, 3-1
Sid Miller 9-2, 5-1
Waterwitch 4-1, 5-1, 11-2, 15-2
City of Bristol 10-1, 11-2
Police Boat 10-1, 8-1
Windfall 18-1, 12-1

12-1 Bar
------------------------------------------
Non Runner - Jimmy's Crew

BetLush.com Top Tip
The level of training has started to intensify this week across the field as a whole. Browsword has moved in to 3-1 on account of early morning training sessions in hurricane conditions. Sid moves out to 5-1 following no appearance on the water in the last 7 days, whilst the quad goes the same way as concerns of tangling surface, now at 15-2.

The discussion setting the punters alive is the contest between City of Bristol and the Police Boat. I hear from the boathouse that the Police Boat are the underdogs, but have shown more consistency, moving them to 8-1. In a recent head-to-head on the docks CoB lost out, but that has that only served to fire them up? Currently moving to 11-2.

But what of Windfall? At 12-1 they remain the outsiders, but providing they don't pull up in the race, BetLush is sure it'll be a valuable experience, and may yet prove the punters wrong.

Breaking News: David Blunkett

Being close to the news wires, I have picked up this statement which has been released this morning by David Blunkett:

... . ... .. .... ... .. .... .. . . . ..... .. . ... . ... .... . . .
.... . . . . . . ... . ... . . . . . . . . . .. .... . . . .. . . .. .
..... ... . .... . ..... . . . . .... ... . . .... ....... . ...... .
....
.. . ...... ..... . ...... . . . ......... .. . . ..... . ........ ..
..... . ....... ...... .. . .... ... ....... .... .. ... ... ... . .
...
.. . . ........ . . . ...... . . . ...... .. ... ..... .. ... ....
... ... .. ... .. . ... .. .... ... .. .... .. . . . ..... .. . ... .
..
... . . . . ..... . . . . . . ... . ... . . . . . . . . . .. .... . . .

.. . . ...... ... . .... . ..... . . . . .... ... . . .... ....... .
------


I thank you!

Beware Dog Walkers

We are no strangers to dog walkers along our lovely dockside, and normally I appreciate them as animal loving types. However, my cousin from the North - Ivor Lush - has sent me a copy of an article from his local paper.

---------------
Extract from the Yorkshire Evening Post:

"A drunk who claimed he had been raped by a dog was yesterday jailed for 12 months by a judge. Martin Hoyle, 45, was arrested by police after a passing motorist and his girlfriend found a Staffordshire bull terrier, called Badger, having sex with him at the side of a road in Huddersfield, West Yorkshire.

Prosecutor Ben Crosland said the couple had stopped to help because they thought Hoyle was being attacked by the animal. But when they got closer they saw that he had his trousers round his ankles, was down on all fours and the dog was straddling him from behind.

"The defendant mumbled something about the dog having taken a liking to him," said Mr Crosland. "The couple were extremely offended and sickened by what they saw." Another passing motorist contacted the police and Hoyle was arrested as he walked with the dog down the road.

Hoyle, of East view, Marsh, Huddersfield, told police "I can't help it if the dog took a liking to me. He tried to rape me."

He repeated the rape allegation at the police station and added "The dog pulled my trousers down." Hoyle, who has had a long-standing alcohol problem, was jailed for 12 months after he admitted committing an act which outraged public decency.

His barrister said Hoyle had no memory of the incident because of his drunken state, but was now very remorseful and incredibly embarrassed.

Jailing him, Judge Alistair McCallum told Hoyle "Never before in my time at the bar or on the bench have I ever had to deal with somebody who voluntarily allowed himself to be buggered by a dog on the public highway. Frankly it is beyond most of our comprehension. It is an absolutely disgusting thing for members of the public to have to witness.
---------------

Some people take animal loving too far!

BetLush.com - Form Guide

With the draw now available for Fours Head I have decided to start my newest online venture: BetLush.com

The first race I am proposing to feature will be Fours Head, with odds being offered for fastest womens crew and the fastest mens crew.

To give you a flavour of where to place your money, here is the BetLush.com Form Guide.

City of Bristol
A well tested crew contained within one of Sims finer shells, BetLush.com expects big things. Slight concern over mid race punch, with variations in pulling power throughout the crew. Untested over the distance, with some first time racers. It'll be interesting to see how they cope with the tide. One to watch. BetLush.com 10-1

Waterwitch
A new approach from this crew. It is a few years since CBRC have fielded a quad in this event. Crew comprises some seasoned performers who are stepping up in difficulty with 2 blades. Concerns remain over steering, and whether Liz will look her best for the photos. Pushing the market out. BetLush.com 4-1

Windfall
An ageing shell featuring some of CBRC's "Next Generation". With little in the way of pedigree, this could be the surprise combination. The crew has looked well on the docks, although running out a little less often than some of the competition. Could have a secret weapon in the cox's seat. An outsider at BetLush.com 18-1

Police Boat
Following recent breakages, this crew has had an unexpected change in their steed. On the plus side the breakages have come through excess power, which has left the market puzzled. Looked good in the (pad)docks and in training, but the presence of one of CBRC's sexiest coxes might distract from the tactics. Good late race pace but look closely for dodgy photos. Worth an each-way flutter. BetLush.com 10-1

Brownsword II
Another untested combination, with recent crew selection including 2 new boys. A careful look at the training regime puts the weight of firm favourites on their shoulders. The lack of cox should allow strong pace, although the steersman may take a slightly longer course than necessary. BetLush.com's Stroke Man of the Year 2004 is a vital part of the machinery. BetLush.com 100-30 Fav

Sid Miller
Some old timers make up this veteran crew. Powered by "The Voice", the engine-room has shown strong results on the ergs. Training form has been intermittent, with the stroke man taking time out to run the Snowdonia Marathon as a "warm up". Experienced over the distance, BetLush.com wonders if the power will be too much for the technique. A long shot at BetLush.com 9-2

BetLush.com's tip: Police Boat on an eachway flutter to make the most of the stream, and take advantage of Waterwitch's potential to tangle with the opposition.

This is going a little far now

First there are breast size discussions, then there is an underwear debate.

To combine the two forums in a neat demonstration, I give you a photo from an exhibitionist (Miss Smith) at the Commando Challenge.

Released into the wild?

This is by no means linked to the previous story...

I am still endorsing the no pants approach.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/gloucestershire/4380276.stm

Gone Commando?

My God, what's happening to you all?

Gurtrude has just talked me through the concerns of what to wear under her all-in-one.

Do you wear:

a) big pants - the most practical, comfy, and warm, but too tight and you risk the "4 cheek" syndrome

b) a thong - not necessarily that cute little one with the fake diamonds on (!?! - ed), but something to avoid the Visible Panty Line. Gives a little comfort, and a bit more re-assurance

c) nothing - obviously for the more riske, and "body-brave". A look fully endorsed by the mens squad! (But better watch out for that stray hair poking through)

I will be conducting my own "guess who wears what" poll in the course of the next few days. Ideas on a postcard please...

Breast practise?

Gurtrude has been telling me that she has been part of an ongoing CBRC founded discussion regarding women's physique and the effects it has on their rowing.

I am told there is a school of thought being promoted that states that for those with larger appendages on the upper body, the "body over" phase can happen quite quickly. Once in motion these significant weights are difficult to control, which in turn leads to faster slide speeds...

Whether this is the basis upon which the captain will be selecting crews remains to be seen - but I am volunteering for the "Official Sizing Committee" which will undertake monthly appraisals.

Our first candidate?

Crusher!

The morning after the night before

Had one too many sherries? wished you had turned down that last bacardi and coke in the Pineapple...

Well help is at hand... You can now reach for the hedstart to get you going for that Saturday morning paddle.

The new rowers best friend...

Any Excuse....

She may be doing her bit for UK/US relations at the moment, but no sooner is he out of the way then she wastes no time.

The temptation of being surrounded by Royal Marines was way too much for her, and making a lunge for them seemed the most straight forward!

You have been warned...

LushMail has picked up the following cutting from Newsday.com.

Please make sure you are lit when out on the docks:

Rower Missing On Harlem River

Fashion Police

The fashion police were called in this weekend to arrest a man who has lost all sense of balance.

I know the lines often get blurred, but here is an example of some green tights that are perfectly acceptable within the confines of the rowing world, yet become distinctly suspect when worn in the "real world".

Mr Bromwich, guilty as charged!

Commando Challenge 2005: Results

Following many showers, and the removal of a large amount of the Devon Countryside, the results are out for our interpid explorers:

CBRC 001 (Speedy Blokes) - 1hr 05 - 5th/130
CBRC 002 (Fat Lads) - 1hr 31 - 63rd/130
CBRC 003 (Speedy Birds) - 1hr 31 (!!) - 6th/33
CBRC 004 (Not so speedy birds) - 15th/33

CBRC also raised over £200 for the Devon Air Ambulance.

Photos are on their way...

Dancing Boy

I was lucky enough to be spectating at the mid-way point yesterday, whilst the Commando Challenge was taking place.

Our teams did a sterling job and I have plenty of photos (to follow).

In the meantime, feast your eyes on this little beauty. Jimmy "Dancing Boy" Young was a little uncomfortable on the way round. Still, he did not protest, he got his head down, and cracked on.

Had he discovered what was hiding inside his boots, I think he may have stopped earlier...

Music to watch girls by

Shock revelation: "Music can help you train"!

Uk scientists (my new found friends) have found that the type of music you listen to will change the effectiveness of your exercise.

--------
Dr Costas Karageorghis, of Brunel University, found listening to the right songs before and during training boosts performance by up to 20%.

He recommends fast tempo music for high intensity exercise and slower tracks to help with the warm up and cool down.

Dr Karageorghis says individuals need to create their own play list according to their personal music preferences and the intensity of activity in which they are engaged.

For example, James Cracknell, who rowed to glory and into the record books at the 2000 Sydney Olympics, said that listening to the Red Hot Chilli Peppers' album "Blood Sugar Sex Magik" was an integral part of his pre-race preparation.

The Olympic super-heavyweight champion Audley Harrison listens to Japanese classical music before a fight to calm his nerves, said Dr Karageorghis.

As exercise begins, the music tempo can be synchronised to work rates to help regulate movement and prolong performance.

During this phase music can also help to narrow attention and divert your mind from sensations of fatigue.

------------

As a bit of a "muso" myself, I thought I could find a signature tune for the various boats I see go past:

Womens Quad: Crazy in Love - Beyonce (uh oh uh oh etc...)
Pete Martin's Double: In the Summertime - Mungo Jerry (nuf said)
Crusher & Charlie's Pair: The only way is up - Yazz (hmmm)
Vets Quad: Back to Life - Soul II Soul
George's Four: How was it for you? - James (always satisfied!)
Womens 8 MP: Don't stop me now - Queen (always smiling)
Mens 8 Special Needs: It's the end of the world as we know it - REM

Any more contributions? Whack them on the comments...

Full article here.

Animal Lover

As an avid member of the Cat Protection League, and general animal lover I can't condone this sort of behaviour...

...but it did make me laugh:

www.stuffonmycat.com

Meeow...

Resistance Training De Luxe

The other morning when I was out, I saw a mens 8 paddling past, under the watchful eye of Coach. Nothing unusual about that, I hear you say - but for the whole outing they were rowing in fours, and using the other four as resistance training.

Not completely satisfied with this, coach introduced some additional resistance on the second outing by asking the static oarsmen to "take the run off" at the same time.

She's a tough woman.

However, I have heard that for four of the squad their worst nightmare is about to come true.

This Saturday morning's 4+ will be steered by the international coxing legend that is Crusher. I cant wait to see this!

Nice Pair

Two mens crews decided to take part in the bundle of fun that is Pair's Head, last weekend.

Old hands Steve and Neil formed one crew, with Morgan and new boy Ben forming the other.

The full results are available here
.

Alternatively, forget the results and have a good laugh at these:

Morgan & Ben: Part 1


Morgan & Ben: Part 2


Steve & Neil: Part 1


Steve & Neil: Part 2


Dont they all look beautiful!

Reading Small Boats Head 2005 - Results

In a warm up for Fours Head, a number of womens squad boats raced last weekend at Reading SBH. The results were encouraging, with strong performances across the board.

The WS34+ came second in their division, beaten only by Oxford Uni's Skinny Squad. The Quad also managed second in class.

Full results can be found here.

So far I haven't been able to find any photos of the girls straining every muscle (well maybe!). Please let me know if you find some.

JUMP! How High?

It was a wonderful sight.

There we were, just finishing off our drinks in Hullaballoo's when 4 visions
of beauty approached the table. They took a chair, and proceeded to engage
the occupants of the table.

Given that we were in "Stuey's pulling season" (1st October to 1st December
every year), he wasted no time in getting to know the curly red head. The arm
was round the chair in about 90 seconds, then on the shoulder in about 3
minutes, and nearly in her lap after 5!

However, he hadn't appreciated competition from the other end of the table...

The party retired to Neil's place for a bit of "apres-ski", and the work rate
went sky high. Imagine the poor american girl caught in a volley of CBRC's
finest casanovas, with their slick moves, and to-die-for lines.

I bet you want to know who got the girl? Who's charms were enough to woo the
trans-atlantic beauty? Who promised the better fumbling in the dark?

Answer: Neither of them!

Good work fellas - very entertaining viewing. She had you wrapped round both
her little fingers!

Mens Squad Annual Dinner 2005

It was great to be back.

Hullaballoo's greated us with open arms as we made our 4th Annual Visit to
their establishment for an evening of high-brow intellectual sporting comment.
The food was deftly delivered, and although Dr Jones (our resident vegitarian)
failed to order the foie gras, the first 2 courses went down without a hitch.

As is now customary, all cutlery was removed from the table at this point. An
array our roulade, banoffee pie and best of all creme broulee appeared for
Hands Only Puddings:




We were delighted as the crowd assembled. First the staff, then fellow
diners.

Not for the first time, CBRC show them all how it is done!

Last Count

I have spent a very busy day with the auditors, which has played havoc with my lunchtime snifter.

It has been like the closing stages of the Eurovision song contest scoring (only without Norway). ????-ed

Nevertheless, the final figures are in. We have collated millions of pieces of information, and put them into the supercomputer. It has calculated the following was conmsumed by the elite sporting champions on Saturday night:

Henry Africas
3 bottles of vodka
1/2 bottle whisky
1 bottle rum
some lime
some sugar
a martini (!?)
and a campari and soda (Jimmy was that you?)

Hullaballoo's
17 bottles of Fitou
15 bottles of Jacob's Creek
3 bottles of Dorinthea
4 bottles of dodgy Romanian red
1/2 bottle rose (stolen from the next door table)

Neil's place
God know's, I was nearly as hammered as Baggy by then!

May that power you down the course.

Learn to Row with the BBC

I've seen it all now. We are all there, week in week out giving away advice and careful coaching, and the BBC give it away on their website.

This is one of the best examples I can find of how not to do it!

Look at those hands on the recovery - what a muppet.

Health Update - Look out Girls!

Whilst supping a little sherry last night, I was perusing my favourite medical journal The Lancet. I was shocked to read that scientists have finally found the truth about moving in with blokes...

--------------
Women who cohabit may put on weight as a consequence.

A UK obesity expert has analysed why it is that women who move in with their man often put on weight as a result.

Eating man-sized portions and indulging in richer foods and wines can lead to weight gain, a review in The Lancet medical journal says.

When you combine that with going on the contraceptive pill or having babies, a woman's waistline can severely suffer, says author Dr David Haslam.

"Men are very bad for women really," he said.

If you are eating with a partner the evening meal is a social event...you may eat more and maybe more extravagant stuff. He said research showed women tend to gain weight once they cohabit and begin to share meals with men who intrinsically have higher energy needs and therefore appetites.

"If you are eating with a partner the evening meal is a social event and its no longer just filling a gap. You may eat more and maybe more extravagant stuff."

Couples may also go out to restaurants for meals more often.

Women may do less exercise when they are in a relationship, skipping a trip to the gym to spend quality time with their partner.
---------------

"Less exercise"? Clearly Dr Haslam has never been near the rowing club!

Girls, you have been warned. No matter how nice he is - dont do it!

Staying in bed

My cousin in the US, Rod Munch sent me this photo, which I thought probably
applies to all walks of life one way or the other...

I have arranged for one to be erected by the boathouse reading:

"STAYING IN BED SHOUTING 'HARDER' DOES NOT CONSTITUTE COXING"

New Sponsor for 2006

Ladies & Gentlemen,

As you know, I do like a little drink. I have been scouring the interweb for new mixers to take the edge of the Exibition cider that is my love.

ThenI found this. It is a magnificent drink that will not only fuel you to the end of the race, it will also fuel you to the end of the night on the dancefloor.

My particular favourites so far include:
White Lightning (White wine + lightning)
Blue Spark (Blue WKD + lightning)
Head f--- (cider + lightning)

Any more recommendations for my taster sessions gratefully recieved.

Steady as she goes!

I spotted this and thought of our hardy Learn-2-Row's out on the docks:

http://www.setski.com/pages/1/index.htm

could be handy for others too ...

Getting on....

Recently I have become a little concerned about our Club's ability to produce
the usual annual export of future GB Olympians.

It is always a delight to see more people on the water, but I have asked the
Harbour Master to erect a new sign on the slipway... You know it is for the best.

PS Welcome back JJ!

Here comes the first social...

I hear that the social committee have been out manouvered by the new L2R's who have decided to have their own social this weekend.

Well, I'm not letting a party kick off without being there (and besides, I need someone to buy me cider).

So the venue is Zero Degrees, this Saturday from 8pm - unless I hear different!

The Senior Men are having a bit of a dinner early in the evening - but will be available for dancing duties later.

See you all there.

It's a mystery...

No sooner have we had the joy of seeing the boat house back up to full use, as
I got a call to attend to "maintenance matters". It appears that the amount
of Fresher's Week kebabs consumed have had a detrimental effect on our fellow
rowers.

After getting stuck in, up to my elbow, I decided it was better to call in the
experts...

Half Snickers 2005 - Updated

More and more results are coming in. Alarmingly they are all rather good!

Here's the updated Hall of Pain:

Sam Bailey 1:33.49
Stuart Castle 1:35.59
Nina Barton 1:46.29
Jo Ross 1:47.23
Filthy Phil 1:48.22
Katy Lancaster 1:48.38
Nick Baker 1:55.17
Caroline Richards 1:56.47
Jane Green 2:04.00

A fine effort - well done.

I think there are still a few missing... so keep them coming to

gurt_lush_blog@hotmail.co.uk

hunting - a new way

The lovely Gurtrude was invited on a day's hunting yesterday, off the South
coast. Not being one for bloodlust, I was a little concerned that she
wouldn't be happy with the days activities.

However, she tells me it was a lot more enjoyable than she expected.

Buy your own bit of Britney...

Hurricane Katrina? You must be joking, that's child's play compared to the Severn Bore.

Those yanks ain't seen nothing yet!

Still, you can do your bit to help if you want:

Britney's kit on eBay

Gurtrude's gonna look lovely in that diamond encrusted bra!

Commando Challenge - Start Times

The entries are in, and the start times have been confirmed:

CBRC 001 - 1.34pm (Speedy Blokes)
CBRC 002 - 1.36pm (Fat Lads)
CBRC 003 - 1.38pm (Speedy Birds)
CBRC 004 - 1.40pm (Not quite so speedy Birds)

The event will take place on Sunday 23rd October.

Each competitor has to raise sponsorship to enter, so please be generous if asked.

I have asked to join the South Devon Fire Brigade for the day, to assist with the hosing down of the female competitors after the event!

Gushing.

Who the .... is Alice?

Trawling through my emails, I have only just found this from a few weeks ago:
------------
Dear Gurt,

As you may or may not know I am leaving the beautiful
city of Bristol. May I take this opportunity to wish
all the rowers the best of luck with the coming
season... and hopefully I'll see you all in 9 months
at Henley.

Its been emotional!

Alex aka Alice
------------

The Family Lush wish him well!

Brings a tear to my eye.

Its Subs time again

I had a note from the Committee to ask me to tell the kids that subs are due from 1st October.

Just think of all those shiny new boats your money will buy....

Please can we looke like this?

Half Snickers 2005

Many congrats to all of those who made it round yesterday.

I've had a quick look at the results, and have picked up a few:

Sam Bailey 1:33.49
Stuart Castle 1:35.59
Filthy Phil 1:48.22
Katy Lancaster 1:48.38
Nick Baker 1:55.17
Caroline Richards 1:56.47
Jane Green 2:04.00

Also seen on the course, but running under other people's numbers...

Liz Gregg

I probably missed a load more...

Email me to enter the Hall of Fame - gurt_lush_blog@hotmail.co.uk

cheers big ears

Little Buggers...

There I was, just getting used to being able to talk to you all again and they stopped...

In a moment of genius a few weeks back I had connected my server to the fans on the ergs. It was an ingenious way of generating power, and therefore being able to spend more of my hard-earned on the old apple juice!

Then, when everyone got lazy last week, the fans stopped and no ramblings for you to read!

Technology has now been restored.

Look after your bike

Not satisfied with wearing lycra just once a day, I hear three of the Mens Squad are off to Wales this weekend to let their tendancies come to the fore. Apparently a trip to the Newport Velodrome has been arranged.

After the trouble I had getting back from Wales after my holiday in the Forest, I have issued a warning. My friend's son had his bike knicked in Newport, and he didn't even notice:

Kanye Munch and his missing bike

Sick Note

With the onset of Autumn I am sure it wont be long before we are dropping like flies with various ailments. In an effort to offer some of the finest medical advice cider can buy, I tracked down this handy guide produced by those lovely people on Whiteladies Rd.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/medical_notes/default.stm

Those items that maybe of particular interest:
Flu

Teenage Drinking

Winter Vomitting Virus

Stay healthy
Gurt

New training techniques

With the Women's Squad already well into their training plan and the Men due to start this weekend, I asked my friend Rod Munch to demonstrate some of the techniques that have made him a household name.

Click here for your chance to sample The Sporting Legend:Rod Munch

Techno techno techno techno

For those of you who love to leave comments on my ramblings, I have added a verification page that you'll have to fill in.

Whilst it is great to know about lesbian dating, depression and other "great blogs" - they are all getting on my goat.

So goodbye to blog spam - hello to intelligent comment...

Byzantium Part 2: Don't ya wish Stuey was hot like me?

Oh the pain...

Imagine this. You've been swinging yourself round the dancefloor with vigour for the previous 2 hours.

One fillie hangs herself round your neck, and removes your bow tie...

Then before you know it, another foxy lady has removed your cumberbund...

And just when you thought your clothing was becoming precarious, a different girl removes your braces...

Now at this point most red-blooded males would be struck dumb with choice. Most red-blooded males would probably pop to the bar for a pint to make up thier minds. Most red-blooded males would probably ask their mates for some advice.

But not Stuey... Oh no.

He gets in a cab to head home - only to realise (when prompted) that "he might have been IN there"!!!

Keep trying ladies - he's a tough nut to crack!

As hard as nails...

And so the injury list continues... but nothing will stop rowing!

I am ashamed to say that I missed a recent bit of trauma that was dished out in the annex. I hear Miss Jewel struggled with getting a blade off the rack the other morning, and dropped one onto her nose. Ouch.

So there was a slight watering of the eyes, a little yelp, and maybe even the odd expletive - but nothing was going to get in the way of the outing. She merely wiped away the blood, and got in the boat.

So next time you're up against her on the ergs, watch out for Iron Woman.

Every Little Helps

I've had a tip off from my mate the Gorilla....

The latest Tesco Voucher Scheme is not just open to schools, but clubs as well. This means we can get some new bits and bobs for the clubhouse, loudhailers and even stop watches if we collect tons of vouchers…

So time to use your powers of persuasion by:
- chosing the thick kid on the checkout
- chatting someone up in the queue
- carrying some old codgers' shopping to the car park
- standing outside your local tesco in your lycra, and asking for them...

However you do it, please collect as many as possible and put them in an envelope in the clubhouse post box addressed to Russell Crofts.

Byzantium Part 2: Oh Caroline...aah

And there we were again... Byzantium. What a venue!

I noticed later in the evening that the doyenne of the women's squad was feeling slightly unwell following dinner? Some suggested it was the starter, others the main course - but I have a theory...

Being almost tee-total myself I am at one with the effects of the odd early vodka, ahead of an evening of merriment. First the rush of blood to the cheeks (not those ones!), then the motor-mouth, and finally the need for Jane to hold my hair back.

A fine effort!

Walking wounded

I was a little concerned last night for one of the members of the ladies squad.

Miss Smith was stood patiently next to the ergs with tissues stuffed up her nose to prevent the onward approach of a week of heavy cold. Nevertheless, on she ploughed with her 20 min erg - before her outing.

It was only when she returned from her paddle and started her second 20 min erg that I notice the ankle bracing.

Some people dont know when to rest do they?!!

sun, sea, sand and s*x

News has it that Gurt is back, fealing refreshed and raring to go after a few weeks in the sun. Good news for some of you - Hopefully Bathrust should stop complaining now....

I'm sure all the readers that have kept up-to-date with the Lush over the last couple of weeks will be waiting with baited breath for an authentic Gurt story. But don't worry - I'll be dropping in from time to time.....

Cheerio

Randy

PS - tried to get a picture of Gurt on holiday - but couldn't bring myself to follow him any further....

ON - OFF - ON - OFF - ON

Looks like the ball is back ON again.....

YES that is right - We are off to Byzantium after all on Friday - For a ball with a twist!

We have been unable to cancel our booking for Friday, so we still need to go - Here are the details!

It's been re-invented as an end-of-season night out, dress code whatever you like, the cost is the same (£35) and will still include drinks, food and disco.

Please, PLEASE say you can still make it if you previously said you could, and if there's anyone else who wants to sign up please do so now.

The pub social will NOT be happening, so Learn To Rowers please do come too - I'll come and see you on Sunday!

Please can you let me (Ruth Cullingford) know URGENTLY as I need to confirm numbers ASAP

Bored of Circuit training - Try Parkour

Looking for something a little different to keep yourself fit and increase your co-ordination. Both important in Rowing. All you need is "your body, mind and a concrete backdrop."

It appears that the Bristol Free-Running scene is building up quite a following, made famous by the BBC TV advert, and a mad french bloke.
I think that I may have to give jumping of walls and lamposts a try of a Thursday evening - anything to get me out of running round the docks doing squat jumps on the side of the road.

Don't get frozen out

Now that the ball has been cancelled, there will be an alternative club social night out.... See message below from our hard working social sec.

Following the collapse of the club ball, next Friday has been designated, instead, as a pub social. It will also be the first social of the new rowing year and the first social that the new club members and LTRs might steel themselves to attend, so I hope as many people as possible will be able to make it, especially all those that were going to go to the ball.

Venue: Zero Degrees (at the top of the Christmas Steps by the junction of Park Row and Colston Street).

Date: Friday 23rd September

Time: 8pm

If anyone wants to meet up earlier to have food, they do really nice pizzas and salads - please organise yourselves.

Otherwise - see you there.

RUTHIE

One for the ladies

It is time to don you dancing shoes and head down to town with your better halves this weekend for the big latin night out (and all day street party). There is chance to learn some steps in the workshops during the day, and then in the evening you can “expect wall to wall salsa, bachata, merenge from your favourite Dj’s to keep you dancing to the early hours”

Sounds like an event not to miss, and Mrs Randy is sure to drag my 2 left feet down there…. So don’t let me suffer alone and come and see what its about.

Welcome home

Well the ball may have been lost, but we have finally beaten the Aussies at cricket, and brought the Ashes home for the first time in 18years!

Beating the Aussies is always a good feeling (I remember my hangover from celebrating beating them in the Rugby World cup) but winning it at home was even better. No getting up at 7am to go to the pub or sitting up late at night - This time I could listen to it in the comfort of my desk at work (not that my boss was very impressed - I have not done much work over the last few days).

First the rugby, now the cricket - Just need the footballers to get the fingers out of their a***s and bring the football world cup home.

Sad News :-(

It appears that my attempts to sell the second ball was in vain. Unfortunatly we have had to cancel the ball due to lack of numbers. After much hard work by Ruth and Ros there has not been enough tickets sold to make it a viable event.

Shame on all those that did not buy tickets... I even had my DJ cleaned for the occasion!

I'll have a bacon roll, cup of tea and my fortune told please

Last night I was out in Oceana - See bog below - and stumbled across little miss cheerful from Gloria’s (The butty van round the corner from the boat house). At first I did not recognise her, as she had swapped her pinny for the fortune teller look.

Next time I am outside the van, I’ll have to see if she can guess my intended order. One thing for sure – I’m sure it wont be service with a smile ;-)

Lost at Sea

Last night Mrs Randy gave me a free pass for the night out with the lads and so I decided to check out the new ‘hot spot’ along the Waterfront – Oceana – 5 bars, 2 nightclubs, 2 restaurants, 1 destination!

Well the night did not get off to a good start, as I am not one for ‘shiny shoe’ establishments I was dressed fairly casually, and almost did not make it through the door. Luckily I was on the guest list for a private party, and so managed to blag my way in. The party was being held in the Aspen Ski Lodge, which is kitted out with ‘genuine imported American features and Canadian logs’ as well as chairs covered in fake animal hides, which actually looked quite good, and certainly different. First Job, get the beers in. Not the biggest choice of draft beer, so I opted for a Llabatts as the alternative was Stella, but at least I got a choice, which, I noted was not the case in the other bars where there was Stella or Stella!

After a few pints, and time for the rest of the place to open up and fill up we decided to go to a wander to see what else there was to offer. ON our way round the establishment, we popped into the Parisian Boudoir, Wakyama Tokyo, Icehouse Reykjavic for a dance, after leaving there managed the group got split up – A far too easy occurrence in a place so big! The remainder of us then went up stairs to the New York Disco for some good old 80’s music, and then out into the main restaurant Sydney Harbourside, where you can get out onto the balcony overlooking Millennium square.

In all an average night out with the lads, there is lots of novelty value there, but that will slowly fade, and I can't see how they will keep it full, but a good option on a rainy night as you dont need to get wet moving from pub to club. Here are a few pointers for a good night out.

• Wear shiny shoes
• Be prepared for a night on the wife beater
• Keep your mobile handy, or wear a flashing beacon on your head – you’ll need it to track of your mates!
• Behave - There is CCTV everywhere, and half of Bristols bouncers now work here!
  

AGM - A note from our secretary!

Hello City of Bristol Rowing Club rowers

Just a short note to remind you that the Club AGM is
on Thursday 15th September at 7.30pm.

This will be held at Clifton College (Guthrie Road
entrance) and as usual there will be signs directing
you to the room. Parking is on the road outside.

This is an important date in the club calendar and
we'd like as many of you as possible to attend.

We will be voting in a new committee (there are still
a few jobs available) who will be working hard for the
club during 05/06.

An agenda will be sent out next week.

Club dinner tickets (Friday 23rd September) will also
be on sale so please bring your cheque books.

Look forward to seeing you all there.

Caroline (Club Secretary)

LTR need YOU!!

Yes - It is that time of year again! Time to welcome with open arms the new recruits to club. If only they knew what they were getting temselves into - Wonder how many Stu will scare away come the first cub social of the new rowing year!

Now to the serious bit -

There will be over 30 new starters coming down to the club starting this Sunday (11th) and will be continuing every Wednesday evening and Sunday morning up until Christmas. The first few weeks are of vital importance to get as much help from existing cub members as possible until they know which end of a blade is which!

If you can help then let either Rona or Tom know. You should be able to find their email on the members area of the club web site! Failing that stick a comment on this post, and I'll pass your details on!

Dungeons

My sources tell me that some of the club weights may well be winging their way back, as Captain Pete's neighbours are beginning to talk about all the men friends who come in and make loud grunting noises in his garage, accompanied by clanging sounds and sweaty bodies leaving...!

Free music from the Hoff

For those of you that know Mr Crofts, you will probably be aware of his unhealthy obsession with the Hoff.

That's David Hasselhoff for those that have no idea what I am going on about!

Whilst trawling through the interweb last night when Mrs Randy was watching rubbish soaps on the TV, I stumbled across something useful from the Hoff....

Click here for some free music! But be quick you have only got until Sunday 11th to claim it!

Close but no frogs legs and vin rouge!

Maybe he should stick to rowing…

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/4214782.stm

Although it is looking as if he is not required in GB 4- going on their present form...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/other_sports/rowing/4210938.stm

Any volunteers (use the comment button) to cross the Bristol Channel to raise some cash for the club!

Gone Fishing

Whilst taking the ferret out for its weekend stroll along the banks of the feeder canal I was amazed to hear one fisherman’s story about the evening he caught a 20 footer….

No need to panic about giant fish – It was actually Steve and Neil in their pair!

After managing to unhook themselves from said fisherman’s rod they decided it would be nice to have a little swim just to cool off...

I hope this is not the skippers idea of a modern triathlon – Row, Fish and Swim!

the second (of the year) annual ball

Don’t forget this years second annual ball is fast approaching and the tickets are now on sale.

To get you tickets then catch hold of Nick or Ruth when you are next down at the boathouse, with £35 of your hard earned cash to secure your place for the best night out of the year – If we sell lots of tickets they will give us lots more booze for free!

If the first of the annual balls was anything to go by then you can expect a night of…..

Good food ....

Fine wine ....

Dodgy dance floor moves ....

And lots of loving....

Hope to see you all there – Strawpedoes away!

Randy Blogger

Greetings to all the lush people out there - Randy Here!

I am sure you will join me in wishing Gurt and his lovely missus on a fine few weeks of frollicking in the mud flats.....

I shall endevour to keep you up to date with all the goings on in and around in Gurts absence!!

See all you lovely people soon.

Randy

Meet Randy, he's one of us...

Finally, I am taking a break.

The missus and I are heading back to the Forest of Dean for a week for our summer holiday. As a special surprise we are also managing to squeeze in 4 nights at the exclusive Severn Beach Resort and Mud Flats. I've heard you can see Wales from there...

So I am leaving you with cousin Randy. He's going to make sure you are all looked after for a couple of weeks, and are kept fully informed. As per usual, you'll be able to find him either in the LLandoger Trow or the Ostrich if you pick up any titbits.

In the meantime, don't forget that there's lots of rowing on the telly this weekend from Japan, and that the AGM is on 15th Sept.

Cheers me dears.
Gurt

Whass'at yu're on about?

Whilst having a couple in the Ostrich last week I was rudely interupted by someone from the BBC claiming to be researching local accents.

I didn't expect to become a star...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/bristol/content/articles/2005/08/24/voices_dockers_feature.shtml

Next time you are on the start line...

It may look like a game for gentlemen, but the great battle for The Ashes has turned up a few beautiful little bits of banter over the years.

So next time you are on the start line, and the oppo's cox decides to be a bit chippy, learn your trade from these few crackers:

1. Adelaide 1991 - Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore)comes to the crease, playing at and missing the first ball.

Waugh - "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t then, and you're absolutely useless now".

Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me. When I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb tw=t".

2. Auckland 1989 - Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne.
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him.

"Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

And finally...

3. Headingly 1981 - Rod Marsh & Ian Botham.
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"

Bring it on!

Did you say wind or wine?

Did anyone see that little launch whizzing across the course on Sunday?

Well, I made some enquiries whilst seeing off a couple of cheeky ones in the Plume of Feathers and found out that it was Black Sheep being ferried back and forth to race by the landlord!

Not only were they good enough to take home the trophy for winning Elite 8's, but they also did it on stomachs full of rough cider and dodgy pasties courtesy of the Plume of Feathers.

Being beaten in a final is one thing, but being beaten by a bunch of blokes who have spent the afternoon on the p.ss is something all together more impressive.

I bow at your feet Sheep!

Where's ya bin?

Not to be upstaged by the international strawpedos, the women aligned themselves, and attached to the stakeboats. A combination of bacardi breezers and smirnoff ice's were readied and the umpire dropped his flag.

The competition was hard fought, and the result remains a blurry mess. However, that's not the end of the story.

On leaving the pub, with my cousin Randy, I found Miss Green insisting that she travelled home immediately with her beloved Dom. Now most would think that any woman would struggle to resist bundling Dom into a taxi, but on this occassion it was simply to pick up more booze before going to Neil's aftershow party.

The resultant coctail produced one of Bristol most memorable moments...

The sight of Miss Green (our esteemed and exhalted Women's Captain) clinging to a wheelie bin like a babe to its mother! I hear the temptation was strong to close the lid on her head as she vomitted her way through early hours, with stability assistance provided by Bristol City Council's Domestic Refuse Department.

Good work laydee

Come and get your burgers!

I fed Mrs Lush on an organic burger during proceedings on Sunday, and she assured me of their fantastic taste. I, on the other hand, took one look at the BBQers, and gave it a swerve!

I was particularly pleased to see Dr Jones being true to his vegetarian persuasions as he flipped some of Bristol finest cows and sheep over the coals. Not so much as a tear in his eye... I think he might be on the turn!

I was not the only one with a little intuition. A Moseley crew member was overheard saying:

"The burgers are ok if you don't watch the people cooking them"

Nuf said!

World Cup Strawpedo

I was very excited to see the first round of the World Cup Strawpedo in Sloanes on Sunday night.

The line ups were impressive as Great Britain took on USA in a two leg race. The fours comprised:

USA
Morgan (Headband) - Brownstone(Nr Washington), Maryland, USA
Mike (Morgan's Mate) - Denver, Colorado, USA
Matt (Martina's Man) - Houston, Texas, USA
Will (A&S Police BC) - Bristol, England (but holder of dual passport!)

GB
Rus (Red) - Bristol, England
Dom (Northern) - Bristol, England
Rob (Shiny) - Bristol, England
Steve (Hairy in places, not so hairy in others) - Bristol, England

Both teams went off well, with GB taking a swift lead. Then the GB 2 man caught a terrible crab, and got his straw stuck in the neck of the bottle. There were calls of dispair from the onlookers, as USA powered their way past GB.

Round the turn both teams were smooth, with Rob Parker coming through with a swift 2nd bottle to produce a finish that compared to Athens. GB just about took it on the line, but an appeal came from USA referring to the crab.

The umpire ajudged a re-row was necessary.

With a USA selected sub, Team GB powered to victory at the second attempt. Britannia rule the beers.

Please contact Steve if you feel there may be a nation ready to challenge the crown!