The New Breed of Coaches

Coach has always complained that she can't drive the launch, hold a megaphone and use a video camera at the same time. However it seems evolution has solved this dilemma.

Crazy Golf

Damp conditions underfoot and a strong breeze on the fairway failed to hamper the progress of the Pub Golfers on Sunday. Some skilful puts were sunk along the course as well as numerous holes-in-one. However the stamina of the players began to show later in the match as the scores began to creep over par and the Pringle clad legs became unstable. Congratulations to one of the competitors for scoring a particularly tricky birdie at the nineteenth hole, I also hear that the birthday girl was quite literally swept off her feet by the men’s skipper during the post match boogie.

Apparently there are plans for another sporting themed pub crawl based on cricket…

Alcohol: The Cause of and Solution to all of Life's Problems

Chaps, next time you turn up to work with a hangover, just tell your boss you are trying to stay healthy. Unfortunately it seems this excuse is only valid for blokes so stay off the vino at lunchtime ladies!

Gurtski

In preparation for an upcoming tour of Russia’s vodka distilleries I have been trying to learn a bit of the local lingo. As part of this I have found this useful site that allows you to see what your name looks like in Russian.
Just type your name into the box and press the button.

богатырскя здоровье!

Gb Trialist

From time to time I get sent details for some of the trialists for the GB squad by the head coach so that I can offer my opinion on who should get the seats. Whilst browsing the latest crop of hopefulls I found a familiar face.
Did anyone know Miss Wright was looking for a place in the quad for the World Champs?

The World Cup

The first rounds of the World Cup kick off tomorrow in Germany, you can get the low down on the teams to watch here and catch the action online here.

NB: Your support for Team GB should not be represented by a flag on the roof of your car.

Watching TV is the New Training

I paid a visit to the boathouse last night expecting to see the Men's senior eight getting ready to boat, but instead I found them all sat round watching TV!
I'm not entirely sure what was on that was more important than being on the water but as I left I thought I heard the Eastenders theme tune.
Could they be looking for inspiration from Dot Cotton to get them to Henley?

Gooooood Mooorrning Henley

This year Henley Royal Regatta will have it's own radio station: Regatta Radio. Tune in on 106.0 FM for news on racing, traffic info, weather news and the latest fashion tips for the Stewards Enclosure.

Where are they now?

Another batch of fame-seeking, bothersome fools have been locked into the Big Brother House for weeks of public humiliation but can it really be worth it?

I’ve managed to track down the winner of Bristol’s own Big Brother Boat House to find out how the experience has affected him:

“Since leaving the boat house there have been a number of perks, not least of which the adoring, and quite often female, fans that seem to come up to me when one is out shopping. My career prospects have most certainly improved and I have received numerous offers of employment. I am currently enjoying a week’s retreat in Tuscany with some chums from college but am considering the role of Charlie in the next Charlie’s Angels film on my return. None of this would have been possible without the Big Brother Boat House experience for which I am eternally grateful.”
Tim ‘Velvet’ Beaver.

Unfortunately the other house mates were not available for comment but I have heard reports that the Red Squirrel is now out of hibernation and can often be seen scurrying around the dance floors of Bristol so keep your eyes peeled.

Hours Of Fun

This week I have been mostly virtual stapling.

Pimp My Ride

While browsing the car park at the marina the other day I noticed that the members of CBRC have an increasing number of flash cars. However one of the more elderly members of the club has just taken delivery of the flashest of the lot. Now I'd hate to say that the main reason for him buying a two seater, convertible, German sports car was to attract the ladies but it must have been one of his considerations.

But will it have the desired effect? Our survey says unlikely...

The hole in the wall

Two women from the club were left nursing bruises after taking on the La Rocca challenge on Saturday night. Once the requisite 15+ units of alcohol had been consumed the two girls dived into the tunnel only to be grabbed by the head and dragged through by the bouncer waiting on the other side.

La Rocca Challenge Rule #1: Don’t get caught.

Inter-Sport Relations

One has to be careful when approaching strange young ladies in night clubs as you’re never quite sure what you’re going to get. One of the shorter members of the men’s squad discovered this on Saturday when he found himself in an embrace with a lovely looking girl who turned out to be a hooker.

It's only a number

Tomorrow another of the club's captains enters their fourth decade as Miss Jane Green reaches her 30th Birthday.
The ever-patient skipper of the Women's squad will be celebrating this momentous occasion in Bar Ha Ha tomorrow night from 8:00pm. There's a rumour that La Rocca might be on the agenda too.... Strawpedo's at the ready folks.

Happy Birthday Jane (pictured here on the right).

A Plethora of Coxes

In a reversal of the situation faced by the club earlier in the year there are now hoards of coxes (well at leat half a dozen) queing up to steer and cheer. Not only this but some will soon have smart certificates from the ARA stating their competance to do the job, which is more than can be said for the rowers.

This could create the need to go through a selection process to choose the best 'swain for each crew, with the event of most interest being the one where the coxes are sat in front of a pile of cakes and are told not to eat them. The last one to crack gets the seat!

Now all we need to do is get them all under 55kg...

Farce-ity

There were a few familiar faces racing on Saturday as, despite not being invited to this year's Varsity races, City of Bristol still managed to smuggle a few of their own into a couple of the crews.

Here's Dylan in the Bristol Uni alumni boat at the point where he realises a certain Peter Reed maybe sitting in the boat next to him:

And here the City of Bristol girls are seen making up the power house in the Bristol Uni boat, shame the rest of the crew were'nt up to their standard:

Could it be magic?

I was pleased to see that attention seeking circus freak David Blaine failed in his attempt to break the world record for holding his breath underwater. This leaves the record up for grabs for my own attempt, sponsored by Scrumpy Jack, later in the year.

Bald Man Syndrome

There are an increasing number of follically challenged members of the club but we should all take care when approaching the sensitive subject of their lack of cranial covering:

"It's a solar panel for a sex machine."

Bristol Boat Race Debacle

I’m not entirely au fait with the intricacies of the rule book for regattas but I’m sure that in order to win a race you have to be in the lead when you cross the finish line.

Unfortunately UWE appeared to be unaware of this technicality and decided to finish their race with Bristol Uni. 10m before the actual finish, claiming they heard someone sound a horn on the bank. Somehow they managed to get a re-row and raced the full 1300m to beat Bristol Uni by 1.5 lengths.

This cunning tactic can be adopted by CBRC’s crews this summer in the following manner:
1. If in the last 100m of the race it looks like the other crew might come through to win, stop rowing 10-20m from the line.
2. Bow four should immediately raise their hands in the air and shout joyfully
3. Stroke should collapse forward and the cox should stand up in their seat while punching the air.
4. When told that you haven’t actually finished let alone won, look puzzled, then annoyed, then puzzled again and finally angry.
5. Claim a re-row on the basis that you heard a bicycle bell/ car horn/ mobile telephone/ seagull and thought that it signalled the finish.

I recommend that you practice this before your next regatta.

Cooling off

It's always heart warming to see couples enjoying each other's company, whether it be during a stroll through the woods, a romantic meal together or, in the case of Mr and Mrs Chambers-Gregg, a quick dip in the docks on a warm Sunday morning.

Friday Poll #2

She’s Back

After a well deserved break of no less than 3 weeks, Rhiannon was back on the launch on Wednesday to once again take control of the men’s squad. There are rumours that the 12 hour flight from Australia has given her the chance to devise a torturous training plan for the run up to Henley but it’s unlikely that she’s any closer to picking the crew that will be going.

My money’s on Morgan going for the Diamond Sculls.

Welcome back Coach.

The Apprentice?

I’m sure you’ve all been following Jane’s progress in The Apprentice on BBC2 and will have been pleased to see that last night she made it to the final. She could be in for a tough battle against the Brummy Badger though….

Are you tough enough?

Entries are now open for this year’s Commando Challenge which takes place on 14th and 15th October. Competitors can choose from three different options:

3 mile course for lightweights,
7 mile course for marines,
7 mile course while carrying a 100 lb rucksack for the phoney tough or crazy brave.

If you fancy getting filthy and tired then let Sergeant Nick Baker know so that he can organise suitable squads. This time there are a limited number of entries so let Nick know ASAP to guarantee your place.

Check out some of last year’s pics here, here and here.

A Spicy Evening for Two

Imagine Dr. Jones' surprise (and delight) when he discovered that the person that had won his auction lot of an evening meal cooked by his own fair hands was the cheeky Irish imp from the novice sqaud: Dee. This meeting of two great minds took place on Sunday night and here is Charly's report of the encounter:

"As an avid and out-of-control Scrabble nerd, the first thing to notice is the marvellous combination of letters, which form the words ‘Dee and Charlie’. There are many highly appropriate anagrams, which I will sprinkle amongst this report.

I had to decide on something to cook for the occasion. I thought something colourful, something to share and, not knowing the magnitude of Dee’s appetite, something you can have as much of or as little as you want. So I thought Mexican…I was going to make DEER ENCHILADA but then I remembered I’m vegetarian. As Dee’s arrival was imminent, I wanted to make a good first impression, so I hoovered around, so that we would have a CLEAN, DEHAIRED carpet, which is always important I find. She arrived and we listened to Marcus’s Buena Vista Social Club record, which suited me very well being a HACIENDA ELDER. We laughed about the swarming gossip in the club that had surrounded the evening’s event. Then we talked about how well the novice ladies had rowed on Saturday. It seemed that their epic RACE HEADLINED the bill at Evesham.

I had thought about how to make it a warm atmosphere without coming across as being disturbingly romantic. I looked in my ‘subdued lighting’ collection and was momentarily tempted when I saw this CANDLE HAD ‘EIRE’ written on it, but by that stage I was at my wick’s end, so I just turned on the lights and hoped Dee was partially sighted. My tortillas failed spectacularly. I overcooked them somewhat and they turned into poppadoms! Dee said she was an accountant, so I had a fleeting thought to ditch the whole Mexican thing and cook the books instead. However, she reassured me that the poppadoms were cracking, so I carried on and grated some very special cheese, which I think was called ELAINE CHEDDAR. I thought that Dee has a lovely accent and I asked her if she misses home… In her broadest accent yet, she whispered wistfully “Oi rarely get DE IRELAND ACHE”.

Regrettably, as the evening continued, I took the opportunity to tell a few gags. Dee listened patiently, but then REACHED DENIAL, and so I decided to tell her about my age-old fantasies about deciduous trees. “Once I NEEDED A LARCH” I told her remorsefully. By this stage I was finally getting warmed up but Dee had lost the will to live so we called it quits and brought proceedings to an end.

A thoroughly delightful evening…"

Evesham Achievements

The first regatta of the season took place at Evesham on Saturday and with it came the first victories for the club.
Well done to the the Senior Women's 8 and 4 who both netted a rather splendid goblet each for winning their events.