"W-w-w-w-what's that you say?"

In the wake of my retirement from the post of Town Cryer in my once adopted home of Nempnett Thrubwell in 1985, I asked some friends of mine to investigate...

As ever, my high-brow compatriates have been hard at work, and have come up the the perfect answer to overcoming those nerves.

You be pleased to now that I am now on a strict diet, administered by the lovely Gurtrude. I can recommend it!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4646010.stm

Oh Yey!

Wedding Bells

And so the day will be finally on us this weekend...

After years of persuasion through the showering of gifts, romantic weekends away, champagne, chocolates, sweaty lycra, and no energy left for luvvin', our very own Mr Lang is to be wed to the long suffering Claire.

Claire is clearly a woman of taste however, as can be seen by this photo - taken the night they met...
The very best of luck to both of you from all at CBRC, and we hope you have a fantastic day!

The Cider Diet

I have spent sometime over the last two weeks putting the finishing touches on my new Cider Diet.

Whilst perusing the health food options to compliment cider, I came across the following - The Great Dane Burger:



I have ordered 24 to ensure the mens squad are fully fuelled for their training camp this weekend. Call the police!

Cheers Then

A big thanks to my guest presenters over the last two weeks.

I am sure you have all been well entertained by the exploits of the contestants of the BBBH2006, and the semi-naked men Gurtrude couldn't leave in her private collection!

Well, now you've got me back.

I can promise a return to the same mediocre cider haze that you have come to know and love...

I have missed you all.
Gurt

Can I borrow your shoes?

We've all done it haven't we? Mistaking the feeling of needing a wee wee for pre-match nerves and think we can hold on a little longer? Some of us can hold on until the proper receptable is available, some choose to stand up and without shame tinkle over the side of the boat, with females requiring more skill than men if using this option. Big Man Crush has been known to store his in a bottle, Ms Gregg prefers a tupperare container hidden distretely under her seat in the boat (although this doesn't stop her standing up to take her lycra off...)

but who uses a shoe?

Not the most waterproof of vessels, making a new and interesting selection in the field of piss pots, a member of the women's squad favoured this article of clothing as her pee pee vessel. Take care wont you when going 'above heads' with the blue boat.... Good thing its for sale!

Messing about on the River

Its fair to say that Brian pulled it out of the bag this weekend. With metal rods and mesh in pieces in the boat house on Saturday afternoon, we had our doubts but the man is truly a miracle worker. With only one slight hitch when the ramp collapsed, crews were launched with military precision.

Less can be said of the rowers however after the senior men's boat's riggers were found to be carefully stored away back at the clubhouse and the women's novice 8 launched late with 6 oars, a borrowed life jacket and no cox box.

All crews seemed to enjoy themselves and we got on the telly, radio, interweb and paper thanks to Caroline!

Avon Gorge Head

Pete Vallance will be testing his best speaking voice tomorrow morning live our very own BBC Bristol Radio to talk about Sunday's head race. He'll be on from 8.45 and fortunately for him, most of us will be rowing.

We should also be appearing in the Evening Post too so keep a look out.

Best of luck to everyone entering the wacky races and particularly to the WJ15 single sculler from Dartmouth who will be closely followed by 6 men's doubles. Full draw is on our website.

Ever said something you wished you hadn't?

Why is it always the sport commentators who make these bloopers?

Was that live?

Oh my God, what have I just said?

Bare naked men

Wednesday's are always the longest day of the week so to make the day pass with a little more spice, take a look at these beauties:

Mmm, I love my italian stallions

Racing the Atlantic Naked, you must be mad

The Lord our God

I'm too posh for clothes

Love is in the air

Imagine my suprise when I was greeted with this e-mail during my lunchbreak:

"I’m crazy writing this email I know, do you know the song by James Blunt " she beautiful"….? Well that moment happen to me Sunday morning 15th watching the ladies 8 (blue ish boat) leave the club for their practice run at around eleven. She was number seven, which I believe is the second one in from the helm. She had a lovely smile, I couldnt help but to keep smiling back.

Tell her please that she made my day, and the radient smile has kept me going since…. I think its like the words of the song we were just passing people, but as it is near to valentines and I’m a romantic believing in fate I had to write…."

Reading the first line, I thought it was one of my many admirers, however the lucky lady appears to be one of the lovelies amongst our latest recruits. Their knowledge of boats leaves me a little suspicious that the mystery admirer may have a connection with the club...

Mystic Gurtrude

Awlrite me babbers, I could nerr believe me yers when I erd Gurt offer me a chance to write for he on the lush. Especially affer Evening Post gave me the boot and stopped me writing in me daily horoscope column.

Enough gassin, ere we go for the year ahead:

For all you capricorns out there, I see water and an erg. For the next two weeks anyway. Coach's training plan and outings in the cold, wet and dark get too much for a jessie like you and curry, pies and cider feature heavily in the coming months. In fact, they feature heavily for the coming years too. You're approched by BBC Bristol's feature documentary called 'Lard me up lard boy' in an experiment to see if man can survive on an intake of only Blackthorne and Pieminster pies concluding "yes, quite happily". Your lucky number is "Burger Meal Number 3 please", your lucky household object is the fridge.

Water loving Aquarians can enjoy an altogether different year ahead when, after a rigorous selection period involving seat racing, 2, 5, 10, 20 and 50k ergs, torpedo races and a swift tenner to the captains (well, to Jane anyway, Steve has altogether different requirements which you're more than a little unsure about), you're picked to row in the prestigous top henley 4-. With a slight error in administration by the race secretary, you find yourself rowing in a seafaring vessel crossing the atlantic against James Cracknell. Your lucky tool is a back, crack and sack waxing kit, your lucky powertool is the strimmer.

...and its goodbye from him...

Well that's the end of my stay in residence at Lush Manor. On Monday I have to return to my day job of designing charming yet affordable porcelain ornaments for the Argos catalogue.

It's now time to pass you over to the oft' spoken of but seldom heard Gurtrude Lush.

So until next time (if there is a next time),

Happy Paddling.

Reet Lush

Day Seven in the Big Brother Boat House

It’s the final day in the boat house and the house mates are slow to start having spent all night in the love shack. First to emerge are Neil and Steve and some time later the three girls appear closely followed by Tim. Tim has at least three shades of lipstick on his cheeks. The girls remain coy about what went on during the night’s frivolities but Tim’s knowing smile suggests something may have happened.
Obviously annoyed by the luck of the young whippersnapper, Neil and Steve take Tim to one side and ask what his secret is; he replies “Charm, Sophistication and Wit”.

After a torrent of quite literally one vote the winner of the Big Brother Boat House 2006 has been decided. Possibly because of his effortless style, possibly because of his appetite for fine avian dining or maybe due to his winning ways with the ladies the voting public have chosen Mr Tim “Velvet” Beaver as the victor!

The house mates are released, blinking, into the sunlight to be a met by a rapturous applause from a handful of dog walkers and joggers who were passing by. Tim is presented with his prize of a week at the Eton Rowing Course but remains remarkably modest about the whole thing choosing to donate the prize to a charitable cause, Russ is very grateful.

So that’s the end of the BBBH ’06. Look out for future Gurt Lush Productions including:

- CBRC Fit club
- I’m an oarsman get me out of here!
- CBRC Love Island

In the meantime you can purchase these special edition, souvenir all in one lycra suits (click pics to make biggerer):



Send your vital stats and preffered design to i-love-wearing-my-all-in-one@hotmail.co.uk (personal info. may be held on record for future reference)

Day Six in the Big Brother Boat House

It’s the penultimate day in the boat house and the house mates have been very busy with the find-a-cox challenge, Rona has even taken a break from her erging to help the girl’s team.

Jane’s first call is to Marcus to see if he can help, unfortunately he is busy seat racing for the 3 seat in the men’s 3rd 8 and so can’t spare the time. This early set back doesn’t deter the girls and they start calling all the usual hideouts for diminutive steerspeople: The Jockey club, the local kindergartens, a traveling circus, RSPVC (Royal Society for the Protection of the Vertically Challenged), the Hotwells division of CFA (Control Freaks Anonymous) and BAD CALL (Bristol and District Coxing Association for Little Lay-abouts) none of which have any willing volunteers.
Even a trawl through the Red Squirrel’s infamous Black Book draws a blank.

The boys on the other hand have a very willing volunteer, however the rules of the task state that none of the house mates can offer their services much to Neil’s disappointment. With Stewey now, rather foolishly, deciding to row again and George incapacitated it seems that the task will not be completed. However all is not lost as Steve remembers that Ben Kadinopoulos can source any part for any boat for half price and within the hour. Sure enough, after a quick phone call and a wait of 59mins 36s a small parcel arrives containing a nearly new Rowley Douglas. The coxswain is quickly installed in the novice’s boat and the boys win the task.

The boys retire to the Love Shack for a few celebratory drinks and after a while invite the girls in too and continue drinking long into the night…..

Early outings for the novice eight were not short of incident.

VOTE FOR A WINNER NOW!!

You lot are a bit shy when it comes to making comments but now is the time to give it a try and vote for a winner for the Big Brother Boat House 2006!

Day Five in the Big Brother Boat House

Day five in the boat house and the house mates are having a quiet morning trying to get over their hangovers after a night of drinking in the love shack. To pass the time they decide to continue the ongoing search for the riggers for the Welsh Boat. During the hunt, talk turns to the name of the boat and how it is actually pronounced. For half an hour they battle with the name but can’t quite get their tongues round the ridiculous number of vowels.

Jane has been quiet while this has been going on but seeing that the house mates are struggling she reveals a little known talent. For, as well as being fluent in Northern and a highly proficient drinker of alcohol the Women’s Captain is also an active campaigner for the preservation of the Welsh language. She proceeds to teach the housemates exactly how to say the name of the boat as well as the words to “Bread of Heaven”. The correct pronunciation of the boat name can be heard here.

In order to keep them occupied the house mates are given their final, seemingly impossible task, to find a cox for the Learn To Row women (or are they now referred to as the novices??) For this task the girls are to compete against the boys …….



VOTE FOR A WINNER!

Friday is the last day of Big Brother Boat House 2006 and a winner needs to be decided. It’s up to you, the general public, to decide who is the most deserving of the house mates to be awarded the grand prize of a week at the Eton Rowing Course learning how to row properly.*
Votes can be cast using the comments section and a brief explanation as to why that person should win should be included. Alternatively e-mail your suggestions to I-love-wearing-my-all-in-one@hotmail.co.uk.

*Votes may or may not be taken into account when deciding the winner. The prize may be substituted, at Gurt Lush Productions’ discretion, for half a day on the Sharpness Canal in one of the Virus sculls with Crusher coaching.

Day Four in the Big Brother Boat House

It’s now over half way through the Big Brother Boat House ordeal and it’s been an eventful morning. The drone of Rona’s ergo has been really getting on the nerves of the other house mates and so they move her into the annex. However, she has secured a lucrative sponsorship deal from Powergen.

The swan has taken one too many liberties for Steve’s liking and so he moves in for a scrap. Adopting the classic swan fighting technique of standing on it’s feet and going for the head he attempts to clout the bird. Unfortunately, being taller than Steve, the swan is able to dodge his lunges and delivers a sharp blow to his chest, winding him.

At this point the Friends of Bristol’s Swans, who have been campaigning for Dewey’s release overnight, are let into the boat house to remove the disgruntled bird. The production company refuses to comment on rumors that the swan was infected with bird flu.

For the last few days Neil has been spending most of his time in the ladies toilets. The other house mates just thought that it was his age getting the better of his bladder but in fact he has been installing soft furnishings, a music system and mood lighting to create what he likes to call his “Love Shack”. As everyone seems deflated by the whole swan fight incident Neil feels now is the time to invite them into his pad for a few drinks and after a round of Ugly Flatmates * morale is restored……..




* The ugly flatmate is a traditional Czech drink consisting of egg nog and sambuca. It’s creator gave it it’s name after declaring that the only time he would consider sleeping with his cosmetically different flat mate would be after drinking several of these concoctions.

Day Three in the Big Brother Boat House

It's the third day in the boat house and the erg task has been successfully completed, however Rona continues to slog up and down saying that she's just getting warmed up. Most of the marina is now being powered as well as Gloria's wagon.

The producers decide to introduce a new member to the boat house, a large Mute Swan (Cygnus olor). The maternal instincts of Jane and the Red Squirrel kick in and they busy themselves preparing a nest for the bird and trying to think of a name. Both would like to name it after their loved ones and eventually settle on a compromise and christen it Dewey.

Tim is particularly keen to welcome the new arrival: "Marvelous, we used to dine on swan twice a month during the Michaelmas term at Clifton College, I'll fetch my roasting dish". The other house mates manage to persuade him that this one is not for eating. *

Steve takes an instant disliking to the beast claiming "It keeps looking at me funny", the first fight of the series seems imminent.....



* Please note that it is in fact treasonous to kill a mute swan unless given express permission by The Queen or are a member of the Vinters' and Dyers' livery companies and have marked the swan during the annual swan upping ceremony.

Day two in the Big Brother Boat House

It's day two in the Big Brother Boat House and the ergo challenge is going very well. Rona has been sat on the machine for over 20 hours now and has held a 500m split of 1:36. The other house mates are happy to sit back and let her do the work commenting that "She seems to be in the zone so we don't want to disturb her".
There is more than enough power being generated for the boat house and so the Harbour Master has hooked up a cable to light his offices......

Day One in the Big Brother Boat House

It's day one and the house mates are driven to a mystery location and let into the boat house they will call home for the next 7 days.
Neil immediately makes the girls feel at home by making them all a coctail from the drinks cabinet that he has brought along as his luxury item. Tim stands aloof while Steve jumps straight on one of the ergos but gets bored after doing 250m.

The house mates are given their first task: To power the boat house for the next 24 hours using one of the ergos. Rona looks pleased......

Welcome to the Big Brother Boat House 2006

Not to be outdone by a certain 'reality' TV show currently showing on your telebox, Gurt Lush productions brings to you
The Big Brother Boat House 2006.

After an exhaustive selection process involving many hopeful candidates and even more pints of best the lucky 6 house mates that will be entertaining you with their antics over the next 7 days are as follows:

Steve "Punchy" Bathurst: Almost guaranteed entry as he was sure to get into a scrap which will boost the ratings.
Steve's comment: "So there will be booze and birds? Count me in!"



Rona "Remigo Ergo Sum" Smith: A strong candidate as she was sure to do well on any physical tasks the house mates might be set.
Rona's Comment: "So I'll be locked in a room with 4 ergs? Count me in!"



Timothy "Velvet" Beaver: A cunning choice by the producers as he will simultaniously appeal to both the youth viewers and the sophisticates.
Tim's comment: "When approached by the production company I felt it was my duty to educate the riff raff that will no doubt constitute the viewers of this program"



Red Squirrel: This unnamed female house mate was asked to take part in the program and was initially reluctant but after being told their was to be alcohol and men in the house she was keen to be involved.
Red Squirrel's Comment: "So there will be booze and blokes? Count me in!"



Neil "Doesn't look a day over 30" Bromwich: A candidate to appeal to the older viewers was needed and Neil was the ideal man to fit the bill.
Neil's Comment: "As long as we can have the after show party at mine then I'm in!"



Jane "Howay the lads" Green: The only person deemed hard enough to keep Steve in check.
Jane's comment:"I reckon it'll be a reet good laff"




Now stand back and enjoy the show as the drama unfolds on these pages over the next few days....

*please note photos may not represent the actual house mates.

Who ate all the pies, christmas pudding, turkey, sausages...?

It seems the excesses of the Christmas break have taken their toll on the physiques of some the men’s squad and there have been numerous complaints of enlarged bellies, sore heads and weakened muscles. I’m sure Coach’s strict new policy of a three line whip for attendance at weights sessions will turn you back into finely tuned racing machines!

However, one development that is particularly troubling is the appearance of a condition normally familiar to those who visit the local Mecca Bingo on Friday nights: the Bingo Wing.
For those of you who have not encountered this unfortunate affliction, Bingo Wings are the flabby flapping underarms usually associated with old ladies who play bingo. They flap around when said old dear gets a full house and leaps up waving her ticket manically. If you have a strong stomach you can find an example here.
For those who suffer from this unsightly condition may I suggest either you purchase a pair of garters and place them on your forearms to keep all that flesh under control or a strict regime of tricep dips morning, noon and night!

Good luck to all those who will be struggling to squeeze into your rowing kit tomorrow morning. Thank goodness I’m not a cox as it’s not going to be a pretty sight!

It's not yet Saturday but....

Greetings rowing folk of Bristol, Reet Lush here to keep you entertained and informed for the next 7 days.
It is with dubious pleasure that I take the reins of this blog as I have tried to distance myself from my somewhat simple cider-drinking cousin. I have always been the achiever in the family Lush and after obtaining an HND in ceramic engineering at Chepstow Polytechnic am often referred to as “that one who speaks in sentences”.
So hopefully I can bring a bit of much needed decorum to the proceedings this week.

However I would like to encourage gossip, whether factual or totally unfounded, so any interesting tit-bits that you feel should be shared with the general public can be sent to I-love-wearing-my-all-in-one@hotmail.co.uk.

Happy paddling,

Reet Lush HND,AA, 10mSB

Introducing...

I've decided to introduce you all to a couple of members of the family.

I am going to bring in some "guest presenters" in a Have-I-Got-News-For-You stylee. So, from Saturday, for one week only, these hallowed pages will be the stomping ground of cousin Reet Lush.

Take it away Reet...!

Head of The Avon Gorge 2005

Don't forget, that if you fancy racing one of the most picturesque races in the UK, from Shirehampton to the Cumberland Basin - entries close on 14th January...

See you there!

Oi Cox - turn that down!

Now I know not many of you need that extra bit of encouragement from coxy, but here's some advice from an old friend of mine.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4580718.stm

Personally, I'm convinced my tinitus has been brought on by Gurtrude!

What Do They Know?

Yet again my scientist friends have been hard at it, but this time they are well off the mark. Can you beleive that anyone would even challenge that our beloved sport is not the most exciting in the world?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4581374.stm

Little bow-wow

I have heard that our very own Dr Jones has been preparing himself for the acquisition of a new canine friend. Concerned that he wouldn't be able to track down nourishment of a suitably high quality, he has been on a Europe wide search.

Luckily, a Parisian shop has come to the rescue.

Fido is particularly looking forward to bone shaped fodder!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, and all the very best of luck for your racing in 2006!

Gurt, Gurtrude, Reet & Randy